Reconstruct This...

Ocho's out surfing. I'm on his soft couch, my smelly dog by my side, looking at the fog. This is beginning to sound like a haiku. So, its July 4th, and I have the day off work. But instead of feeling a sense of freedom, I'm feeling a sense of ennui creep in. Like the heavy fog. Falling on wet leaves. Sitting there. Blankly. Christ. I need a change. Which was one of the topics of the political discussion I had last night with my brother and his wife, my Mom and my Dad: change. My Dad an I often disagree on political topics. But on this topic, we are united: Change for change's sake is meaningless unless you know what it is you want to change, why you want to change it, how you're going to change it, and if the change makes sense. So, for me to just say I need a change means nothing. What do I want to change, and why and how? I love my life, actually. I have great kids. I have a partner who loves. me. I have friends who make me laugh and think. I have challenging, me...

Enough said. Actually, if you have a minute, I have a short story (honest) about my hair. Ocho, I, my brother and his cute wife went to the Robert Plant/Alison Krauss concert at the Greek Theatre in Berkeley last night. We had to park far away, and the air was smoky (from all the NorCal fires) and foggy. So foggy, in fact, that it was misting. After about three minutes, you could see my hair curling. Like slow-motion photography of a tender little shoot pushing through the earth and growing into a plant. Only faster. And curlier. By the time we got to the Greek, I was Linc (see Totally Mod ). Fortunately, Ocho thought it was cute. Yet another reason to love him. The concert last night was stunningly beautiful. As I sat there in the dense fog, listening to the improbable but perfect duo of Alison Krauss and Robert Plant, feeling my hair curling and twisting, I felt a peace settle on me and sink into my soul. PS: To my big sis: Jannie, doesn't my hair like this remind you of when I w...

I recently was asked to be part of a new blog called Mothers with Cancer . These women know how to deal with adversity with that perfect blend of intelligence, compassion, spunk and bite that just wags my tail! Go read what these 17 women have to say, including the creator of the site, the brilliant Susan (really, she's a NASA scientist), who also blogs at Toddler Planet . Another of the 17 is Andrea of Punk Rock Mommy . This articulate, feisty mom of six was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer the day after she got her college degree. She's fighting the good fight, but she needs love and prayers now. Send yours her way, if you would. Also read Jenni Ballantyne of The Comfy Place . She's just gorgeous. Inside and out. Heck, take the rest of the day off and read them all. They're all truly amazing. Love to you.

Ocho and I drove to the City this afternoon, hoping to get into the Dale Chihuly exhibit at the De Young. It was sold out. So instead we ambled through Golden Gate Park and into the botanical garden cactus sale, where Ocho bought seven vibrant green succulents. The stress of selecting only seven of those luscious plants must have exhausted the guy, because it’s 9 o’clock on a Saturday night and Ocho’s in bed sleeping like a rugby player. No worries. That means I can stay up late and write about a topic that is difficult to write about—my changing body. I was extraordinarily proud of myself after going through chemo without gaining a pound. In fact, looking back, that was a sweet time. I was flat, and I was bald. But I was loved. And I knew I wasn’t always going to be flat and bald. Those were temporary experiences. Then I went through 28 sessions of radiation. I would arrive at the Dorothy B. Schneider Cancer Center at 8 a.m., have Tony or Wayne radiate me, apply anti-burn gel to my ra...

I’ve been gone. I took a break from my blog to tend to my kids, my job, my man, my house, my health, my spirit. I’ve also been tending to my sobriety. I quit drinking five months ago. Not a long time in recovery circles, but long enough to know that this has been a life-changing decision for me. On December 23, I came home from work. I opened a bottle of chardonnay and poured a glass while I cooked dinner. Such a civil way to end the day, to take the edge off. I stirred the spaghetti sauce and poured another glass. An hour later, I went out to the garage to put the empty green wine bottle in the recycling bin with the other empty green wine bottles. There have been times in my life when I took my recycling down to The Recyclery so that my empty green wine bottles wouldn’t be exposed out there in the bin on the curb, clearly visible to my neighbors. Fourteen wine bottles in the recycling bin looks like you had a party. Unless you have fourteen wine bottles in your recycling bin every tw...

Deena requested a photo of my hair these days. Here ya go, Deena! I am not hating it. In fact, after the hour and a half it takes to get it to look like this, I kinda like it :) More later xo

On my current to do list: 1. Figure out new job 2. Finish freelance project for old job 3. Get a chemistry tutor for Mike 4. Do my taxes 5. Lose final 12 pounds 6. Go to 6 a.m. strength training class 7. Walk dog 6. Update blog 7. Help Kate with essay 8. Help Mike get a summer job 9. Maintain yard 10. Pay bills 11. Teach Mike to drive 12. Get oil changed 13. Clean my house 14. Have a garage sale 15. Laundry 16. Get dog to vet 17. Summer camps for Kate 18. Fix home network 19. Laundry 20. Get healthier food in the house 21. Learn to meditate 22. Meditate on the laundry 23. Paint house 24. Figure out house drainage problem 25. Figure out how to pay for house drainage problem 26. Get out on my bike 27. Clean out garage 28. Go through attic 29. Go to Kate's softball games 30. Figure out second reconstructive surgery (who/where/when/how...I know what and why) 31. Doctor's appointments 32. Kids' doctors' appointments 33. Plan Mike's birthday 34. Organize files 35. Read wo...