Saturday, August 22, 2009

Changed



It's been a year since my last post.

Lots of change.

Ocho and I broke up last August. The breakup actually started the prior summer in 2007, a month after my first reconstruction. I was headed to the beach with the kids and called Ocho to see if he wanted to go surfing with us. He couldn't as his old girlfriend was coming over. They were hoping to find closure... It took me 12 more months to realize that his feelings for me had changed and that he didn't know how to end the relationship. We broke up in August 2008.

I miss Ocho. He was there for me in a significant way during my cancer year, for which I'll always be grateful. It was actually a magnificent year. Life was magnified; rich with meaning and full of love. Ocho would tell me over eggs and toast on foggy Saturday mornings why he loved me.

I had my second reconstruction in October 2008. The day after I got fired from my job. The reconstruction, done by a great surgeon in San Francisco, Loren Eskenazi, looks amazing. But the right side developed a low-grade infection that caused the stitches to pop open four separate times, requiring four mini-surgeries. In January of this year, my surgeon decided to redo the right side. It's been good since.

One last surgery: hysterectomy this past July, due to some funky side effeccts of Tamoxifen. That surgery was a piece of cake. Great surgeon from Portola Valley. I had a total laproscopic hysterectomy on a Tuesday. By Sunday I was digging up a tree root in my front yard.

2009 has also been full of good change.

I landed a new job in February, and I love it. The work is meaningful, the people are genuine, the atmosphere is fun, and my boss makes me feel valued. I feel blessed.

I've also immersed myself in AA: discovering the power of prayer and service. I'm still the same girl, full of the same fears and character flaws, but I have a new peace.

Love? I am happy to hold out for that person who just totally wags my tail. I've come close. But I want closer.

The past 12 months, I've hurt, I've healed, I've learned. Have I changed? Yes and no, but the point no longer is to become something different. The point is to go down the road with as much hope and grace and love as I can hold.

My love goes out to Jenni Ballantyne at www.thecomfyplace.blogspot.com. She recently entered hospice. And she still sees the good in the world.

Send Miss Katie, aka KT from www.ktscoop.blogspot.com, your e-love. She, too, is in hospice and loves connecting with friends. She is one totally good egg.